Merrily Ever After: A Ouachita Mountain Holiday Story

Layna Blackfoot stared at the white plastic cartridge on the bathroom counter of the cabin she shared with her mate. The timer had gone off minutes ago, but she still waited. Just in case. On the off-chance that single blue line would turn into two. Randomly multiply between one blink and the next.

But it never did.

Sighing, she snatched the pregnancy test from the counter, tossed it in the box she kept under the sink, and slammed
the lid down behind it. It was a gift box Ryan gave her on their first Christmas together. The one where they finally gave in to their bond. Where she finally trusted him enough to mate him. And he finally took what he wanted.

It was the most important day of her life.

Her eye caught on the unique mating mark she shared with her human. It was a tattoo of a magnificent male lion on her left ring finger. Even though Ryan didn’t have a beast inside, his lion
heart was represented by one on her finger. And he had a matching tattoo on his. A picture of her in her cougar form. The marks were his idea, since he
couldn’t claw her up like a werecat would. He’d said it didn’t feel complete unless she was marked his in some way.

This was his way.

She stared at the promise of forever sitting right there in her skin. It used to bring her so much happiness. Feelings of finally getting it right. Finding a man who loved the cougar inside her, the potty mouth she used daily, and the sassy attitude she couldn’t shut down even if she wanted to. Finding that he loved all that about her, but also would give his last breath to see her safe and happy? That was the real win right there.

Yes, the mark used to make her swell with pride and joy.

Now it brought her pain.

Because while he was the perfect man for her… she wasn’t perfect for him.

She couldn’t give him a child. She was broken in some way Doc Davis couldn’t explain. Not even her inner animal could figure it out. And every time she took a test and it came out negative, her heart broke even more.

“So fucked up,” she whispered.

She shoved the box of failed tests under the sink and braced her fists on the cool countertop, drawing in a deep breath.

They were useless anyway, the tests. If she became pregnant, her animal would sense it. Even before a test was able to show positive.

She just kept doing it because one day she wanted to look back and remember how hard she tried. Doc said it was important to remember she’d done nothing wrong. But so far, the tests weren’t making her feel any better.

She only felt like shit.

And so damn useless.

She wasn’t used to feeling so raw. She kept her emotions under lock and key. Always had, since she was a small cub.

Until recent years, growing up a female werecat required one to be hard, cunning, and ultimately, brave. But her clan, the Ouachita Shifters, had learned to make their own rules. In this clan, females were no longer used for breeding. No longer mated against their will. Females had choices and rights and could mate whoever they damn well pleased.

She’d chosen a human.

A brave, amazing, lion-hearted human who played her body like an instrument. Made her weak in the knees with just a single look. Whose voice could cover her body with shivers or make her melt, whichever he wanted at the time. A human who owned the animal inside her. The only one who ever could. And goddamn it, she loved him.

But she was done feeling like this.

Like her new name was failure. Like there was no sun in the day, only midnight. Like… like she’d never be happy again.

A knock on the bathroom door made her jump.

“Babe? You okay in there?” Her mate’s voice carried through the wood panel sounding concerned.

“Yep. Yeah, fine,” Layna rushed out, quickly sweeping the pregnancy test wrappers into the trash and covering them with wads of toilet paper.

“Rhys will be here soon. He’s walking over by himself. Swears he’s old enough.”

Layna rolled her eyes. “He is.” Their twelve-year-old nephew was coming over to visit.

“Is not,” Ryan argued through the door. “He’s still just a cub.”

Layna took a deep breath and swung the door open. “Hardly,” she laughed. It sounded hollow, but she ignored that fact. “He’s going to have his first shift soon.”

Ryan’s grin turned down at the sight of her, but she brushed past him.

“And if he hears you calling him cub, you can kick your cool uncle status in the balls. Because that shit’s going bye-bye.”

Layna made her way to the kitchen. Ryan followed her slowly. Quietly. Like he was trying to choose his words.

“Cool Uncle isn’t going anywhere, sassypants,” he murmured.

She busied herself at the sink, but she could sense him closing in on her. When he was right behind her, hot breath on her neck, she went still. If he touched her, she’d break down crying. And she couldn’t cry right now. Not with Rhys coming over. Besides, Ryan would go all alpha, send Rhys home, and demand that she tell him the source of her tears.

Then how would she explain?

He knew she wanted a baby. He knew she couldn’t get pregnant. And when she did, her body wouldn’t keep it. He’d watched along with her as everyone in their clan started families.

But how would she explain that she was ready to give up? That nine years of giving her heart to this was too long when the universe said no over and over again. How could she tell him what had been weighing on her mind for months?

That he should find someone new. Someone not broken.

Inside, her animal screeched an angry roar at the idea and Layna swallowed hard.

She’d promised him forever. Given him her heart to hold for the rest of their lives. But that didn’t seem right under the circumstances.

She swallowed again, trying to get the lump past her throat.

She loved him too much to keep him. Too fucking much to destine him to a life without young.

Her heart fractured even more. Little cracks breaking off from the biggest one. The one she’d contained for so long. And she did her best to shield the feeling from their bond. She’d been doing that a lot lately. But her human wasn’t stupid. He must know something wasn’t right.

His palm landed between her shoulder blades, a hot and heavy weight that both grounded her and made her want to run.

Because how long could she keep hiding this pain from him. And was it even right to do so?

Ryan’s hand slid slowly up to the nape of her neck and she let out a hard breath, trying to make her muscles loosen. He gripped her below her hairline, squeezing just hard enough to assert his dominance.

He wasn’t a werecat, but she’d learned in the beginning, it didn’t matter. He could dominate her animal better than any cat could.

Because he was meant to. Meant for her. Even though her body wouldn’t give him what he deserved.

“My Layna…” His lips brushed the shell of her ear as he rumbled the familiar phrase. My Layna. He had called her that from the beginning. And it was her favorite of all the ways her name could be said. “Why do you feel so far away?”

“I’d say…” She cleared her throat,
trying to make her voice steady. “I’d say I feel very close. Considering your hand is on my neck and your hips are in my ass.”

He nipped her earlobe and squeezed her nape harder.

“I’m serious,” he growled. “Do we need to work this out in the bedroom, mate? Do I need to peel back whatever has you flinching at my nearness? Because I will. I’ll beat that shit back until things feel right again. This has gone on too long.”

Too long. So she hadn’t been hiding it as well as she’d hoped.

Inside, her cougar whimpered. She wanted this thing between them to disappear so easily. But it just wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

Layna forced herself to relax enough to lean into him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Just shit in my head.”

“You’re lying,” he said sadly.

Shit. She was, wasn’t she?

This wasn’t okay. Her mate didn’t deserve lies no matter how hard it was to tell the truth. Lies were what tripped them up in the beginning. Because she’d lied about her feelings for him. Told
him he wasn’t good enough because he wasn’t a shifter. She hadn’t believed it, but she’d used that to push him away.

Just like you’re using this to push him away now.

It was true. And she’d regretted all those lies back then. Regretted them even now.

If she didn’t tell him the truth, get it all out in the open, she’d come to regret this too. She knew it deep down.

Can’t hurt him, her cougar demanded.

She turned her head so her cheek was pressed to his, and his hand on her went even tighter.

“Ryan it’s—”

A knock on the door had her slamming her mouth shut.

He sighed heavily and stomped off to answer it.

Layna’s knees turned to jelly with the absence of his strength behind her, and the breath rushed out of her lungs on a gasp.

What was she doing? She couldn’t tell him what she was thinking. Not now. Not at Christmas. When there was so much happening around the lodge they called home. There was the light show coming up, and they were booked solid through New Year’s.

They were too fucking busy to have a life crisis.

Layna braced herself on the counter, breathing deep and calling on her animal for strength.

After the holidays.

She’d tell him after the holidays.
She wanted just one more Christmas with her mate before the ugly truth came out.